Forgive: because you deserve it!

"Kuch is tarah se maine apni zindagi ko asaan kar lia;

kisi se maafi maang li aur kisi ko maaf kar dia."

If you know me personally, then you would know that I am terrible when it comes to forgiving someone. I know it is not something to be proud of and I am not! Neither am I ashamed of it. It is just a personality trait that I have. I was not born with it. But I gradually developed it. Why? Because many a times people take your forgiveness for granted. They do not realize the importance of forgiveness. For them it simply means that you have given them another chance to break your trust and play with your feelings. Well, this was just a personal experience(s). I know everyone is not the same. I also know that what happened once might not necessarily happen again. And as I grew up, I have also got to know that everyone deserves a second chance.

We all are humans. We all make mistakes. We learn from them. We swear never to repeat them again. And sometimes we end up repeating them. Because “To err is human”. I have always been very weak in letting go of my past, because I get emotionally attached to people too fast, too deep. And so, when they move away from me, I find it very difficult to detach from them and forgive them for the same. This was me until very recently i.e. until someone made me realize that by forgiving them I am not doing a favor on them, but on myself. I am deeply grateful and thankful to that person.  I think it was the most valuable lesson I learnt in a long time and I must share it with everyone.

Firstly, think of the wonderful things that person has done for you. William Shakespeare said in Julius Caesar, “The evil that men do lives after them, The good is oft interred with their bones,”. Similarly we tend to forget every nice thing a person has done for us and only remember one bad thing things they did to us (and sometimes it is not even done intentionally). We must give them a chance. They deserve it for good time’s sake.

Secondly, think of the things that you have committed wrong in the past and expected forgiveness. I am sure we make so many mistakes daily- some forgivable, some not so forgivable. Keeping those in mind and keeping in mind that sometimes we did not commit mistakes to hurt someone. The consequences though, did hurt them. In spite of that, we have been forgiven so many times. So what makes us so great that we cannot forgive someone else?

Thirdly, forgiving is a very Nobel gesture. Enough said.

Fourthly, what you give, you get many times over and abundantly. In that case, let us love and we will get love many times over and abundantly. As it is our planet needs a lot of love.

And fifthly, you are a nice person. You deserve to forgive and let go of your immense trauma. As Dr. Steve Maraboli says, “Forgiveness: It is not because they deserve it. It is because you do. Sometimes forgiveness is about loving yourself enough to move on.”

Forgiveness is a choice we make. Not for the benefit of the other person. It is not so that they can skip away merrily into the sunset. It is for ourselves, so that we don’t have to carry around hurt, bitterness and anger. They weigh us down, blur our vision and make our journey slow and painful. Forgiveness allows us to drop all of these things, to no longer carry them with us and continue our journey lighter and more at peace.

Amen.